A spokesman for INEOS, the Challenger of Report for AC37, was removed from impressed. “It appears to be like to us just like the Kiwis have been sitting round twiddling their thumbs”, he stated. “They’ve now dreamed this as much as spend some leftover authorities grant cash whereas ready for sponsorship and a choice on a venue for 2024. We’re means forward of them on our personal aspect mission.
“We name it the ‘4 Fs’ for brief. It stands for Future Full-Foil Fracking. We’ve taken the superior foiling know-how from the America’s Cup and tailored it for vitality mining functions. Early indications are that the foils destroy pure geology at an exquisite fee. The advertising and marketing folks have already provide you with a nifty slogan: ‘Innovative for reducing rock’. Sir James is delighted.”
To not be outdone, the innovators on the Prada Luna Rossa syndicate have additionally been engaged on an thrilling mission that exploits the improved ranges of experience they developed throughout their 2021 America’s Cup marketing campaign. Particulars are nonetheless sketchy (and guarded by patent functions) but it surely appears sure the breakthrough is expounded to the manufacturing of sure types of pasta.
A group member, who didn’t want to be named, advised Crusing Anarchy that this system is market-driven. “You see, in the course of the stay-at-home Covid restrictions extra folks around the globe cooked for themselves. Pasta consumption elevated dramatically and we struggled to maintain up with demand.”
It seems that the answer was to use a number of the refined pc simulation and monitoring methods created for the Italian problem. “Efficiency optimization is every part”, he stated. “The telemetry information from Auckland has now given us Tremendous Spaghetti and Lightning Linguini. Pasta output has doubled. Who says there’s no trickle-down profit from the America’s Cup, eh?”
There was a equally constructive improvement for the American Magic syndicate. Shortly after their elimination in New Zealand, they have been contacted by representatives from NASCAR. A spokesman for the motor-racing group defined the rationale for his or her curiosity.
“We’re within the enterprise of high-speed crashes”, he stated. “That’s what the nice people pay their cash to come back and see. The US boat positive placed on a wonderful previous crash-and-bash present in Auckland. We would like a few of that!”
Whereas the boffins at American Magic are eager to type a partnership with NASCAR they foresee a sensible concern that could possibly be tough to beat.
Becoming wheels to an AC boat is not going to be an issue however optimum efficiency would rely upon the prevailing wind on race days all the time being at proper angles to the straightaways. Actual velocity can solely be generated by a gybe at one nook, tack on the different and a beam attain down each straits.
However NASCAR is unperturbed. “Don’t you fellas fear an excessive amount of about that”, their consultant stated. “We’ll repair the breeze – you guys simply take care of the crashes. That’s what you’re good at.”
In fact the above is a parody. – ed.
